Category Archives: inertia

366 Days of Gratitude and Good Things: Day 91

According to Ben Franklin — well, his is the most famous version of the idea, anyway — nothing in this life is certain except death and taxes.

I would add to those the following:

Housework

Laundry

Me, procrastinating, even about something I wanted to do in the first place, namely this blog project.

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366 Days of Gratitude and Good Things: Day 79

I pretty much gave Writing Brain the weekend off and fed Reading Brain rather a lot. When I had brain cells left over from the coughing, etc. Feeling much better today, though — still coughing occasionally, but not as often and not the “coughing until unconscious” thing, so that’s good. Meaning it’s time to get back in the blogging saddle.

When I posted on Friday, I said I’d been hit between the eyes, metaphorically speaking, by three separate items on the Book of Face: a one-panel cartoon, a blog post, and another TEDxUNR video. I started out thinking I’d do one big post on all of them, but I’ve decided to give each thing its own post. Therefore, for what should have been posted on Day 79, a.k.a., 2/13/16, I give you…the Meaningful Cartoon.

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Filed under 366 Days, body shaming, clothes, gratitude, inertia, Mom

Burn

Many moons ago, Steve’s dad got this bee in his bonnet about moving. This was long after Steve and I had stopped being a couple, after coming out to his folks, after the end of his second (only other) long-term relationship — but before he’d slid too far down the path into the dark.

Anyway, J (Steve’s dad) was forever on about moving. Different city, different state, didn’t seem to much matter to him, as long as it was different and far away from his current life. Steve’s mom, B, was still working the first few times the subject came up — and she was NOwhere near ready to “retire” to a place she’d never been, with no job and no friends, just to spend 24/7 with J, the retired law enforcement sergeant and recovering alcoholic who, once he stopped drinking, didn’t really have any other hobbies…except maybe having become the next-best thing to a born-again Christian during his recovery. That was…fun.

I mean, they loved each other, J and B did, but Steve and I could watch them, did watch them more times than I could count, go from amity to acrimony in less than ten minutes because neither of them seemed able to stop pushing the other’s buttons. Hell, I’m not sure they ever figured out they even HAD buttons, let alone knew what they were doing to set each other off, which pretty much made them clueless about how to stop.

What, you think Steve should have said something? He may have, to his mom, anyway. But his dad was an angry, nasty drunk with a hair-trigger temper, and that’s something that didn’t change after J kicked alcohol.

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Filed under change, fear, homelessness, inertia, writing

Life & History, Part the First

There’s this website called Making Light (often abbreviated to ML). I’ve been reading it so long I don’t even know when I found it, or even how, although it was probably by way of either Neil Gaiman or John Scalzi (both of whom are terrific writers and both of whom you should check out). At any rate, a few years back on or near the autumnal equinox, one of the moderators there, abi, started what she called the Dysfunctional Families Day thread, based on the idea that not everyone’s family of origin (birth, foster or adoptive family, whatever structure it was that raised them) was the basis for a Norman Rockwell painting or a gooey-sweet greeting card. That some people, in fact, had had it rough, and some had had it horrifically, terrifyingly bad, and many of them were still dealing with the fallout. So she started that thread as a safe haven, where people could talk without judgment about what they’d experienced, share coping mechanisms, ask for advice, or just…talk. Get it out of their systems, because sometimes just being able to do that, to talk to people who weren’t going to immediately say, “Oh, but you have to forgive [parental unit/sibling/other relative] despite the fact they did [horrific thing] — they’re your family!”

Well, no, being family doesn’t actually give you the right to fuck up someone else’s life, even if you didn’t mean to do it.

And every year around the first day of autumn, a new Dysfunctional Families Day thread would go up, and a couple of months later, it would essentially peter to a halt and abi would close it until the next year. Until 2011, when the thread filled up (reached nearly 1,000 comments) in just over two months and abi started another. And then another. And it stopped being an annual thing and is now ongoing because people don’t, it seems, only deal with family fallout during the holidays, although this is a particularly fraught time of year for a lot of people.

What I’m leading up to is that I posted on those threads quite often, those and the various Open Threads, when I was losing the fight to keep my house two years ago. I posted there because it was safe, because if I wanted advice I could ask for it, if I just wanted to vent, I could do that too, and it helped. My life was falling apart in ways I’d never imagined, and it helped to go to ML and write about it.

Things are so much better now. I just passed the one-year mark at my job, had my first annual review (of many, I hope), and they still like me, they appreciate me, they consider me an asset. Oh, I have room for improvement, I always do — and hell, if I ever did get a perfect review, where would I go from there? 😉 — but it’s good.

What follows began life as a post on Making Light, bad poetry and all. It’s been edited to add font differences in an attempt to make it easier to read, and proofed for the most obvious punctuation mistakes, but otherwise, what you see is what I wrote one dark night in 2011.

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Filed under fear, homelessness, inertia, job search, life & history, money

Inertia

Sat down this morning to have breakfast. I’ve been working my way through a stack of recent, and not-so-recent, issues of my landlady’s TIME magazines, because my books are in storage and I haven’t gotten new subscriptions to my favorite mags yet, although if I get any more cheap offers I will.  🙂  Anyway, I enjoy reading while I eat, so TIME it is for the mo’.

In the 9/17/12 issue is an article by Dr. Mehmet Oz called “Goal Power”. In the last column of that article, I read this sentence:

The National Institute of Mental Health published a revealing article in 2010 on the phenomenon known as emotional inertia — a sort of fixed state of depression, low self-esteem, anxiety or other condition that rarely seems to change even in the face of circumstances that warrant change.

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Filed under change, fear, inertia, memories, work