Well, it’s annual review time at work again. First we all do self-evals, then we find out how far off we are from what our supervisors think.
I do my best to be realistic, and then I mark myself down. Because of course I do. I always have.
In this case, it’s that I prefer hearing my supervisors tell me I’ve been too tough on myself than the opposite. Nicer to hear, really, and I’m not perfect — never aspired to be. If you’re perfect, there’s nowhere to go but down, is there? By definition, if *this right here* is perfection, every point not *this right here* is imperfect.
Note that I’m not for a moment saying I do less than my best on a regular basis. Yes, I enjoy it when things go smoothly enough that I can relax a bit and use the time to catch up. Trust me, there’s always something to catch up on. But “perfect” doesn’t leave any room for anything else. Like, say, improvement. Innovation. Okay, hard to innovate how you process invoices for payment if the system can only do it one way, but other people in other jobs/professions/vocations/whatever may well get the chance to exercise their creativity…if they don’t get labeled as perfect and are then expected to never deviate from that lest they become less perfect.
There’s something about the whole concept of perfection — for people, anyway — that strikes me as stagnation in a pretty, socially acceptable costume.
Anyway, sometime in the next few weeks, or possibly sooner, I will find out if my “majority of answers = Meets Expectations with a handful of Exceeds Expectations because there are areas where I know I’m doing well and one Needs Improvement because my desk is a mass of paper that I never seem able to make a dent in” is in line with my supervisor’s evaluation, and thus whether or not I’ll get a raise. Happily enough, I’ve gotten one after the last three evaluations, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. It would be nice to up my payments to my cats’ former vet, not to mention a bit more to throw at the Burning Man fund is always a good thing. 😉