Car, Variation the First

I’m in a writers’ group that meets through the auspices of one of the homeless services organizations in the area, and this week, one of the writing prompts was this, from Marjorie Agosin:

All exiles are like deep breaths, imperceptible in uninhabited landscapes.

This is what came from that prompt:

How did I wind up exiled from my own life? Or maybe it should be “my old life”, because I am still, demonstrably, alive: I see and hear and feel, both in body and in mind; I breathe in air and smoke and scent and bitterness and joy, and breathe out plant food and mist; I move through the world, and the world moves through me, and together we are.

And yet…I wrote a blog about my accident, but thinking of it now, it’s bloodless — the accident was bloodless, too, physically, but my heart’s blood pumped out onto the street along with the oil and antifreeze, yellow-green puddles and streams down the hill.

I think I was hiding from my feelings, or thought I was reconciled to a new kind of reality — hoping for one, almost, a way of moving forward but looking, feeling, rather like moving backward for a while.  But the blog, I think now, lacks emotion.  Not bad, just kind of empty, and I’m not empty, don’t want to be empty, don’t want to be an exile in any more ways.  Because “All exiles are like deep breaths, imperceptible in  uninhabited landscapes,” and I refuse to be imperceptible.

To be uninhabited.

To be an exile.



Filed under car, writers' group, writing

2 responses to “Car, Variation the First

  1. Betsy Perry

    Dear Syd, What thoughtful and important things you are sharing about your life! I am so glad that you know that you do NOT want to be an exile, to be uninhabited, or to be an exile. After a devastating accident that crushed 2 of my vertebrae I also felt like I had been exiled from my life. But as I have been healing, I have also realized that I can learn from the challenges of this accident, and that there is even something good in having to stand back and look at my former “busy” life. As an exile I needed to take a deep breath and let myself look at how I can find my own landscape in which I can be alive and continue to grow and learn. Thanks for helping me look at all this in a much better way!

  2. book, book, book, book, it takes time, but I know you are going to do it. love and hugs

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