A Beginning

You might be asking why I’m calling this blog “Embracing Homelessness”.  Trust me, it isn’t because I’m enjoying it.  I think it’s because fighting the real world won’t help.  But just rolling over and letting it all happen isn’t the answer either.

Sure, there’s a part of me that wants to put it all behind me, use this as a fresh start and just make sure I avoid making the same mistakes.  It seems to me there’s a certain wisdom to that.  It’s all over and done, after all, nothing I can do now will change what’s happened by a single atom.  Or quark.  Or some other, even smaller particle.

And a blank page has appeal–why else do we try so hard to fill it?

Except, of course, for those times when facing the blank page scares us to death.

Maybe we try to fill it, that expanse of white with no identity of its own, so we don’t have to look back.  Make a mental wall of it so we don’t have to examine the whys and wherefores, the results of choices (made poorly or maybe made well, but backfired somehow) and the effects of happenstance, and the collision between the two.

Or maybe we do it–maybe I do it–to understand.  Not because I think reliving or re-examining my life will bring back the reality of what I had Then, for nothing can; I have lost too much in too many different directions.  And not even because others might be able to learn from my mistakes and thereby avoid them…although that might be a nice side effect.

It’s because if I’m not willing to be the witness of my own life, who will be?  And it’s this that has the stronger voice for me.

So it asks me, “How the bloody hell did I end up here?  Sans house, sans job, sans a bunch of stuff and a lot of money and sans all too many cats–HOW did it happen?”

That’s the voice I’m hoping to put to rest.

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12 Comments

Filed under homelessness

12 responses to “A Beginning

  1. I am honoed to be, I think, your first follower!

  2. thursday

    what courage! please keep writing and summoning that voice to share your story.

  3. Reblogged this on Sorrygnat, World Citizen and commented:
    Syd’s in a workshop of mine, and she’s a good writer; i want to draw this post to everyone’s attention; way to go Syd

  4. I just Tweeted and Facebooked this wonderful post.

    Additionally, I just clicked on the “notify me of new posts via email” button as I don’t want to miss one of your posts.

    My hat’s off to you!

  5. blackwatertown

    Interesting. I’m following too.

  6. I’m so glad you’re writing! You have a unique voice and a certain way with your words. Please continue, and I’ll be reading!

  7. Beautiful writing worth following. Thank you Sorrygnat for sharing.

  8. Wow. Just WOW. I am really looking forward to reading more of your story. What I take away so far is that every single one of us in the 99% is one job loss, one family tragedy away from finding ourselves where you are now. Your story is both personal and universal; thank you sharing it so openly and so eloquently. I wish you comfort and peace.

  9. Syd

    CKS, that’s the lesson I’ve learned. And I’ve been told by people whose opinions I respect that my story scares them to death, because they know just how close they are to sharing it.

    Things are broken. If sharing can help move things a little closer to not broken, then I’m glad. And I can’t lie: it helps me, too, to be able to let go of it, at least for a little while.

  10. Syd

    Thank you, Besma–and my thanks to Sorrygnat for the signal boost!

  11. Syd

    Thank you, everyone!

  12. I’m a little late to the party, however, I was so intrigued by your intro and then, by your story–it is what beckons all of us, especially in turmoil–that white space that always listens, and for me, always clarifies that incessant clanging in my head–here’s hoping that things are already better

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